What Not to Watch

Though Netflix is full of gems like classic cartoons, fantastic films, and super shows, there are a few bad eggs in the bunch.

Well… there may be more than a few.

The best part is that, thanks to my expertise and time in the field of binge-watching Netflix, I have compiled a master list of the worst parts of Netflix. Here are five things that you absolutely do not need to waste your time watching. You’re welcome.

5. Aeon Flux

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The plot is a wreck, the visuals (although stunning) add nothing to the story, and half of the elements in this movie have no point. First of all, when everyone in the world suddenly gets the same disease, you don’t make the inventor of the cure your commander in chief. You would probably want someone that has experience in the field, like a politician. Not some outsider that thinks that he can do a good job because of a handful of successes (sound familiar?).

4. The Ridiculous Six

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Don’t watch it. It’s bad. Just don’t do it.

I thought, oh, these are some pretty big name actors. The guy from Twilight is in it. Adam Sandler is kinda funny. Boy, was I wrong. It’s a mess, and you seriously need to not waste your time with this. That’s all I’m going to say. Shame on you, Netflix.

3. White Chicks

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Socially grotesque. It’s funny in theory: two black men disguised as white women, but this whole movie just felt like something I shouldn’t be watching. I know I’m going to have plenty of folks disagree and say that it’s comedy gold, but I just can’t help but feel like this is something that shouldn’t exist. There are some funny moments, sure, but those jokes could have probably been used somewhere in another movie.

2. The Human Centipede

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This should not exist.

This is a warning to anyone that does not know about this film: you are still pure and do not need your eyes contaminated with this filth. Please, I beg you, if there’s anything that you need to put out of your mind, it is this movie. The concept is something that I don’t feel comfortable discussing, and I don’t even feel comfortable adding an image. There’s nothing good about this movie. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I am embarrassed for the human race having to deal with the fact that we invented this abomination. On behalf of all humans, I am truly and sincerely sorry.

1. Minions

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I am sickened by having to add this image into one of my blog posts. If you wanna talk about things that should not exist, it’s these stupid little twinkies in overalls. They are not funny. They are not cute. They are obnoxious and should be removed from existence. I didn’t see the minions movie, because I just couldn’t force myself to sit through that kind of torture. One does not even have to know where they come from to recognize a minion, because of the social impact they have had. They are everywhere. I can’t imagine how much money the person that actually came up with the concept for these guys is making. If only I would have thought of it first.

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Thomas’ Top Seven

I have devoted so much time into watching Netflix, and I have seen some really awesome films and shows. There were some difficult decisions while narrowing down my favorites, because I have so many. Also, my taste in film is very broad, so there was so much for me to choose from.

I tried to avoid listing some of the most obvious items, like Orange is the New Black or classics like Pulp Fiction, but there were some I just could not stand to not put on my list. My goal is to introduce my fellow addicts to things they may have not seen yet, that will hopefully find interesting.

Well, let’s get to it!

7. Trainspotting

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Filty, gritty, grotesque, and raw are all words that quickly come to mind when I think of this movie. It’s so real and honest, and explores a world that most people don’t know about.

The film centers around a young guy named Renton (Ewan McGregor, far right) who provides narration throughout a part of his life in which he is dealing with addiction to drugs. There are many other aspects surrounding his addiction, like the fact that he has to steal from retirement homes to pay for his drugs, all the issues in his circle of friends, and his relationships with his girlfriend and family. It’s exciting and crazy and gross and you have to watch it.

6. Parks and Recreation

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This is one of the shows that I talked about that I couldn’t leave off this list. Everything about this show is so perfect. It’s hilarious, and has some of the funniest, well developed characters I’ve ever seen in television. I started watching this show my sophomore year of college, and managed to finish every episode in a week. I couldn’t stop watching because I had fallen in love with the show.

These lovable characters all work in the Parks and Recreation department of a fictional town called Pawnee. It revolves around Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler), a driven individual that wants nothing more than to succeed at her job and make Pawnee a better place. However, it seems like everything in her town, which sometimes includes her own boss Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), is working against her.

It was fascinating to see the effect this show had in my life socially. It was like once I watched this show, I was able to level with people in a brand new way. This show had an incredible ability to bring it’s viewers closer together, which is something that I admired very much. This show has it all. From chubby Chris Pratt to the establishment of Treat Yo Self Day, everything in this show makes it worthy of a binge session.

5. Dope

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This movie is about three kids growing up in Inglewood. Three self-titled “geeks” who are obsessed with 90s hip-hop music and culture get themselves into trouble when they seek validation from a guy named Dom. Malcolm (Shameik Moore) provides narration throughout the film, giving his first person perspective of the whole situation.

After attending a party that is busted by the police, Malcolm leaves with his bag filled with hidden drugs. He does everything he can to get rid of the drugs before he gets busted and ruins his change of getting into an ivy league school after he graduates.

One of the best elements of this film is that the title is a triple play on words. It represents drugs (obviously), being an idiot, and slang for something considered cool.

4. The Propaganda Game

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This is probably the most far removed item on the list, because it’s the only documentary. However, I do believe that this is an important film for people to see. It’s about North Korea, which in itself is a highly fascinating subject. This movie actually has footage from filmmakers inside the country, and gives viewers an idea of the reality of life to the millions of people that live their lives there.

It’s something that I’m sure many people don’t consider when they think of North Korea. Instead, people immediately think of nuclear weapons and corrupt governments. For the people living there, they are happy and thriving. At least, that’s what they show to visitors. It’s a very interesting film and leaves a lot of questions.

Documentary film structure is actually a subject I studied when I was working on my associates degree, which is probably why I enjoy watching them so much. I know what elements to look for, and what they’re supposed to mean. I guess it’s true that taking a Film class will ruin the way you watch movies, because you will know what to look for and analyze the whole time instead of actually enjoying it.

3. Corpse Bride

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Cartoons are typically bright, colorful, cheerful, and happy. This movie takes a completely different route.

Tim Burton’s style is so iconic and recognizable at this point, and stop motion animation is such a commendable art that takes a lot of patience. That’s why this movie is so fascinating to me, knowing that every move that the characters make had to be adjusted and recorded on the spot by animators.

The story is great as well. A man, who is stuck in an arranged engagement, runs off into the woods during his wedding rehearsal, and accidentally marries a corpse. From there, he has to fight to get back to the world of the living and figure out how to get out of this unholy marriage.

2. Heathers

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Heather, Heather, and Heather are three friends that are the most popular girls in school. Their friend, Veronica (Winona Ryder), hates them. So if you hate your friends, why are you friends with them? Veronica is such a complex character, and is often hard to understand. That’s why I find this film to be so compelling.

Not to mention the murders, suicide attempts, homicidal psycho boyfriend, and explosions that ensue.

This film goes from 0-60 way too fast. It’s like Mean Girls, but with murder. If it wasn’t for the Harry Potter books being turned into movies, this would be my favorite movie. It’s more than a suggestion, it’s a requirement. Don’t talk to me until you’ve seen this movie.

1. Stranger Things

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This is the most beautiful work of art I have ever seen. Everything from the countless pieces of symbolism and incredible music, to the phenomenal acting and gripping story line. I started this and watched every single episode in one binge session. I laughed, I cried, I was scared, I was happy, and when it ended I wanted more.

This is without a doubt the best show I have ever seen in my entire life, and I’m so thankful that I was able to see this. I could go on and on about this show, and probably even make multiple blog posts about it. I’ll just say that if you have not seen this, then you’re doing life wrong. Stop what you’re doing, go home, cancel all your plans, get a bunch of food ready, and watch every episode right now.

About Me

Binge /binj/: a short period devoted to indulging in an activity to excess, especially drinking alcohol or eating.

 

My name is Thomas Preston, and I am a senior Public Relations student at the University of Central Arkansas. I am 21, I live in my own apartment, I work three jobs to pay rent and tuition, and I have a full time schedule at school. Despite all of these components of my life, I still manage to spend all of my time watching Netflix.

How does this phenomenon occur? How can someone so seemingly busy still find the time to watch Netflix? I don’t really have the answer, so when I figure it out, I’ll let you know. I’ll write a whole post about it.

Film is such an important component of my life. From learning through educational shows when I was young, to social outings with my friends throughout high school, to procrastinating every assignment in college. Would this be considered alarming to some folks? Yeah, probably. Should I seek help? Can I break this habit?

Am I addicted to Netflix?

I have no credentials in diagnosing diseases, but in my unprofessional opinion, I do have an addiction. However, I don’t see any harm coming from this addiction, besides waiting until the last minute to do homework… Besides that, what harm could possibly come from watching an entire season of a TV show in a day? So what if I want to watch a few movies! So what if I want to start a new show!

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Netflix is an ultimate source of entertainment, offering a huge variety that caters to different audiences. Anything you could ever want to watch – and probably some you don’t want to watch – are available to anyone with an account. The only downside to this would probably be deciding what in the world to watch!

This is where I offer my “support” to other addicts.

Based solely on my experiences and personal opinions, I am offering advice on what to watch, what to avoid watching, and how to manage your watching habits!

To fully disclose, I am (unfortunately) not being sponsored by Netflix. Posts on my blog will be based on my opinions, and may not reflect the opinions of other Netflix users. I encourage anyone to check out the films/shows I discuss. Happy binging!